All of that began when he came after practice…He walked towards me and just kissed me…and then, I still don't know how, we were both naked and for the first time…

*****

He turns in the bed, offering his back to his lover.
They had just made love, and as more and more often, he felt depressive.
He knew the only way to feel better, but it was easier said than done. That's why he only whispered…

"- Why?…
"- …
"- Please…tell me why…
"- …
"- Why do you act like this…
"- …like what??

An answer, finally.

"- As if…as if I didn't exist…In the day, at school, I'm a perfect stranger for you…
"- …
"- You seem to acknowledge my existence only when…when…when you want me…
"- Why?…
"- You have the answer, not me…
"- …

Go on…He just had to go on, and surely he would feel better…

"- Why?…
"- …
"- You seem to care for me only when we are together…but together in bed…when you make love to me…
"- …
"- I…I'm quite sure I'm just an object for you but…
"- But what?

To humiliate him, that's why his lover did that, that's why his lover wanted him to continue…

"- …But I hope I'm wrong…
"- …
"- You see? That proves that it was false hope in fact…
"- Why do you say that?
"- Cause you didn't do anything to deny what I've just said…
"- …

Anger. Just anger now. This stupid game was useless and he knew it.

"- I think I have a great idea to show you that I care…how much I really care…
"- …
"- …
"- Really?
"- Interested?
"- Maybe…

He had his attention finally.

"- What about…me, enter the gym when you practice with all the team, and kissed you in front of everyone?? …It would be great…

Suddenly his lover sat up on the bed, and glared at him.

"- You…you…
"- I??
"- You wouldn't!!!
"- Want to bet?
"- Don't…
"- Don't what?? The great player is afraid that everyone know he's gay???…..or are you just ashamed of me….

An argument wasn't the best way but it was a way to let out what he felt and that was important.

"- …
"- So?…
"- I'm not afraid if….if they know…but…
"- …but yes, I knew that already, you are ashamed of me…
"- I'm not…

A whisper…even audible, but he heard it…

What was that?? Regrets? Love? No, none of that….just pity…yes, pity…

"- By the way, you won't do anything…
"- You can't forbidden me anything…
"- Mphhh!!! You'll never have the courage to do that!!!…
"- But…
"- The only thing you can do is talking!! When it comes to acts, you hide, or you find some stupid excuses, but you never do anything!!!
"- No…No you're wrong…
"- No…You know I'm perfectly right…

Why? Why? He should have win tonight. He should have shown him that he could be stronger than he was.

"- You don't believe me?

There was a grin on his lover's face…

"- If you were so courageous, I wouldn't have to come to see you after your practice and tell you that I wanted you!!!
"- You didn't say anything…you just kissed me…and…
"- That's the same…
"- Not for me…

But when he whispered those last words, his lover was already up and almost dressed.
His lover just put on his shirt and took his blazer…then he was gone…
A single tear rolled down his cheek. He smiled.

He uses me…I'm just something he plays with and then, gets rid of as soon as possible…until the next time…
I should go away, I know it…but I can't…or I don't want, I can't say…
I'm not as good as he is…I've never been and probably never will be…I can't reach his level that's why I let him humiliate me like this…

Now his cheeks were wet from all the tears that had followed the first one.
Slowly, he turn in bed, once again.
He was now at the place his lover was just some minutes ago…even his heat was still there…

If Takenori was still there, I would be in this arms at that place…

And with that last thought, Tatsuhiko drifted into sleep…

[Chapter 2]

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