I'm alone.
He left me.
I'm alone again cause he left me. I didn't know what to do, so I came here. But it's worse than torture.

I'm alone.
It's as if time had stopped.
I don't sleep anymore. I don't need it. The others say I should rest at least, but I don't. How can I sleep, how can I rest? He's not here anymore.

I'm alone.
I can't believe what has happened. One day, he was sleeping next to me, with a little smile on his sweet face, but the next…he was away.

I'm alone, once again.
Without him, I'm nothing. I remember this day so clearly. When I told him my feelings, I thought he rejected me. But he didn't. He just gave me his most beautiful smile, pressed his lips against mine, and murmured:
"I love you too, Hisashi…"

But now it's finish. Now, my Min-kun is gone. And it's my fault. A mad man assaulted him, but I was not there to protect him.

So, I'm alone…
Someone is coming here, I can hear his footsteps. He is next to me, but I'm still alone.

"- Mitsui…You'd better go back to your house…"

It's Miyagi. I don't know why he came here, and I don't care.
All I want is to be alone with Min-kun…with his grave…

"- Mitsui…You shouldn't stay here…"

It's Ayako. She came with Miyagi…

"- Mitsui, please…"
"- Why?"

It feels strange. When I said that, my voice sounded like Rukawa's: no feelings in it…maybe no life too…
She doesn't respond. She just looks at Miyagi then at me, with deep sadness in her eyes. Then she left.
Miyagi stays with me, in front of the grave, silent. I don't know why, but he decides to talk again.

"- You know you must accept it…Staying here won't make him come back…
"- But he won't come back if I go home neither…"

Same voice: cold as ice.

"- Mitsui!!!! Staying here is useless!!! And you know it!!!"

Miyagi shouts at me. But I don't move, I don't even look at him. My eyes are locked to the grave, as if all the world was reduced to the dark piece of stone.

"- Why did you came here?"

He has calm down: he doesn't yell anymore. It takes me some time to realise what he wants to know. But, finally, I decide to respond.

"- I don't know…"
"- You're a bad liar you know…"

No irony. Just a constatation; sadness maybe.

"- I miss him."
"- We all miss him."
"- Not as much as I do."
"- I…"

I don't let him finish:

"- No, Miyagi, you can't understand…Even if you want to, you can't…
"- But…He was one of my best friend too…And…I know it's cruel to say it, but even if he's gone, your life's not finished yet…"

Without looking at him, I began to go…

"- If you think so…"

Miyagi hesitates a second, but he walks after me.

"- What did you say?"
"- If…"
"- I know, I know but…what do you mean?
"- …"
"- So??"

Now, we're outside the cemetery. It begins to rain. If Min-kun was there he…but he's not here anymore…Once again, I feel like crying, but I don't…not in front of someone…someone-else except him…

"- Mitsui?"
"- Kogure was not my friend…"
"- WHAT?!?"

Miyagi looked at me with wide eyes. I hesitate but finally, I decide to finish what I was saying, just one minute ago…I decide to do what Min-kun wanted to do…

"- Kogure was not my friend…
"- But…
"- …he was my lover…"

Nothing. I thought he would have stopped walking and looked at me as if I was a martian, but he didn't. He just stayed silent.

"- So…
"- So what?"
"- I don't know…look at me with disgust maybe, or…
"- Why? You were lovers, and so? It's not disgusting…You're strange sometimes you know…
"- No. Realist. It's not the same.
"- Mmmmm….Pessimistic in fact…
"- He said it too…But I'm not sure everyone would take it the way you did…"

We were arrived. We stop in front of my house.

"- So your mission is completed: you walk me home…
"- I didn't know you could be so ironic…"

I didn't answer. All I wanted was to be alone in my room.

"- Mitsui!!…erm…Tomorrow…will you…
"- Maybe…I'll see tomorrow…
"- Oh…Ok…"

And he left.

That evening, I went upstairs in my room, layed down on my bed, and I cried. I couldn't do anything else. There, in the dark, I cried. The first time I did it since it happened. And with my tears, I let out a piece of my pain…And it last three days. Sleeping, crying, and nothing else…

…You see Min-kun, I'm not strong as you were thinking…Even if I can come here without wishing to rejoin you, I still feel pain…I realised one thing during those days: I was afraid…Not afraid of being alone, I'm used to it, but afraid of forgetting you…But in fact, I can't, cause you know Min-kun, you're a part of myself…That's why I have decided…to never come here again…"

…And so he did.

~* The end *~
[No warmth for me]

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