I don't know when it began…
All I know is that his absence is a little more unbearable each day…
Now, I'm curl up on my bed, I fix my door, and I wait.

There's a nail on the door and there's glass on the lawn

My bedroom is in a mess…as the rest of my apartment that is. But I don't feel like cleaning up. Useless. Make everything net and tidy is what they're used to from me, but tonight, I'm tired of the appearances…

Tacks on the floor and the TV is on

I can't hear anything.
I just wait. As soon as he'll be there, I will know and maybe if I'm lucky, I'll be able to have some rest.
In fact…now that I think about it, it's not really the soft noises he makes when he's in his apartment, next to mine, that reassure me…
It's only the soft sounds of his door being opened and closed that make me relax. And then and only then, I will let the darts I keep in my grasp fall on the floor and maybe have some sleep…

And I always sleep with my guns
When you're gone

***************

I can't help it.
I can't feel safe if he's not here.
It's as if anything could happen and I can't really concentrate on anything.
I'm always on my guard when he's not around…
Even now on the morning shift at the shop…

There's a blade by the bed

…I've three of my weapons with me.

I'm with Ken today. I think Aya is with his sister, but I'm not sure and truth to be told, I don't even care a bit about what he's doing.
What is important now is to be careful with Ken. I must admit that I'm quite jumpy, and if he doesn't stop to surprise me like he just does, or simply be restless like he always is, I swear he will end his shift at the hospital…with three darts in his butt!!

Oh god…can't he just stop for a minute??
Isn't he tired of jumping everywhere like this??

Manx…where's she when we need her?? Ok, when I need her, but that's not the point…
If only she could come to give us a new mission. I would have a very good excuse, and needless to say that I wouldn't waste it!!

And a phone in my hand

I would call him and tell him to come here and drop his surely stupid and annoying date!!!

****************

Afternoon and nothing new since this morning.
I wonder why he planned a date in the morning!!! He's too in love with his bed…I don't understand why he did such a stupid thing…Wait…we talk about someone who never does anything logic, so I should stop thinking about it…

I sigh. Ken hasn't calmed down since this morning. He hadn't provoked any cataclysm yet. Maybe it's a good day after….
Oops… Seems I talked too fast: Ken's on his butt, but at least, he had saved the flower and its pot from crashing on the ground.

A dog on the floor

"- Ken-kun!!! Daijobu????
"- Hai, hai Omi-kun , daijobu…
"- Wow…wonderful KenKen… Maybe you should think about working in a circus rather than in a flower shop: you can even juggle with flower pots!!!

Yohji's here…

"- So it's here you work??? Sugoi!!!!

…and his date too. I was about to smile, but it faded as soon as I saw…that.

I can't stand it. I'm angry. He dares bring a girl in the shop. I'm angry, and I hurt, even if I don't want to admit it. He picks up girls (and guys too, I know it) everywhere, sometimes at the opposite side of the town, but can't he see that he doesn't have to??? I'm here, just in front of him.
Ken had got up, and had finished to take care of the customer who brought the plant. Good. That's when I notice that the "thing" he came to the shop with began to search everywhere. Where does she think she is??? At home???? I'm not in the mood to support that, and besides, that pink thing is an insult for the shop, so I decide to apply the "Aya method":

"- If you're not going to buy anything, get out.

Yohji and Ken-kun look at me as if I was a madman.

"- Omi…

It's Yohji. But I don't care.

"- Beside, as you're not here to work obviously, you'd better go away before Aya-kun comes back, cause if he sees you here, I'm sure he won't try to understand and make you work immediately.

And I'm sure he would.

"- Nani??? Why??? Today's my day off!!!
"- Maybe, but you've been late enough times not to have a day off until the end of the year…

And we're in July.
He scratches the back of his head as does Ken-kun when he is embarrassed…kawaii!!! I can't help but smile.

"- Ano…maybe you're right after all…" He turns to his date. "We have to go now…
"- Ok but…only if you buy me flowers!!!

And she smiles at him. Now I'm sure, I hate her. But Yohji being Yohji, he does so and buy her some red roses. I look at the money he gave me. I wished they would have been for me…

And some cash on the nightstand

***************

Time to close the shop and Yohji hasn't come back yet. But it's better not to think about it, because I know perfectly well why he's not here…
Anyway, I have shopping to do if I want to eat something else than what was leftovers tonight.

When I come back, it's almost frightening. No noises. No sounds. I hate that. My apartment is next to Yohji's, so I know when he's home…and he's not. There's just me, and I hate that.

When I'm all alone the dreaming stops
and I just can't stand

I eat in the oppressing silence, do the dishes and finally go to bed. It's too early but I have nothing else to do. Even going on the net…I'm sure that at one point or another, I'll find something that will remind me of him…that he is now with that girl, probably at a restaurant…that after the diner he…

No. I'm not going this way. Not tonight. I've done it too much lately, but I can't help it. I can't stop imagining that it's me at the girl's place. That his gaze is on me and no one else. That all the attentions he has for that girls are just for me…that I'm all he needs and all he wants…

What should I do, I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out and maybe

I'm curled up in my bed, some darts in my hand, as I am every night since…
I try to sleep but I can't. Can't stop to think about him, his date, how it hurts to know, how I wish I didn't know anything…But my thoughts don't allow me that privilege. Sleep quietly is something I can't have unless...

And then the wind just starts to moan
Outside the door and follow me home
Well goodnight moon I want the sun

…unless if I were with Yohji.

If it's not here soon I might be done

Yohji…it's been hours now….he should be here now…he should be with me, in his apartment, I should be able to feel his presence and sleep quietly until morning.

No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

***************

When I woke up, I still had my darts with me: I didn't heard when Yohji came home, cause I was sleeping already. I can't believe I slept without him near me.
I don't feel well today. Maybe I'm sick. I don't know. I just feel like to stay in bed and do nothing else. My alarm clock had waking me and I've stop it already. I should go in class but…but I don't feel safe. As if something bad would happen.

There's a shark in the pool and a witch in the tree

Someone's coming. Yohji maybe?? I glance at the clock. No, too early for him. Not Ken-kun, today is day off, he's still sleeping. So it must be Aya-kun.
I know he suspects something is wrong with me. I saw him watch me from the corner of his eyes when we had shift together. But Aya-kun being Aya-kun, he won't tell or do anything, except if it affects me during missions.

A crazy old neighbour and he's been watching me
And there's footsteps loud and strong coming down the hall

I hear him open the front door. We have the keys of each others apartments, in case of something happens, that's why he can go in so easily. How many times did I think about going in Yohji's and wait for him. Then I would tell him what I feel and…and now Aya's in the principal room and now he open slowly the door. He looks carefully inside.

"- Omi?
"- Hai, Aya-kun. I'm getting up.
"- You're sure??

Aya, worried about someone. Big news of the day…
No…I shouldn't say that. Since Aya-chan woke up, he has changed. No that much but…still.

"- Hai, hai!!!

I try to sound cheerful like I'm supposed to be.
By the way he stays where he is, and how he keeps looking at me, he's not convinced, obviously.

"- You're sure everything's ok Omi??

Thanks Aya-kun, but even if you wanted, you couldn't help me.

"- Yes, Aya-kun, everything's fine.

This time, I convinced him…and even if I don't, he goes back to the shop.
Time to get up now…

Something's under the bed now it's out in the edge
There's a big black craw sitting on my window ledge

…but I can't. Something will go wrong today, I'm sure of it. I can almost feel it in the air. I'm not Crawford, but I'm sure it would be better to stay where I am.

And I hear something scratching through the wall

Ah, Yohji's finally getting up. He's late, as usual, and Aya-kun won't be very happy but…wait a minute…Yohji's late? But…Kami-sama!!!! I'm REALLY late this time!!!

I jump out of my bed, put on some clothes, take my schoolbag and hurry down stairs. I go in the kitchen but I don't have time to eat anything, I just drink some orange juice, say hello to Yohji who tries desperately not to fall asleep in his mug of coffee, and go outside.

***************

I was lucky this morning, I wasn't that late. Five minutes to be exact, but as I'm never late, the teacher didn't say anything.
That class is boring. I don't remember what it is about, and I don't care, cause the strange feeling of this morning came back during lunch, and it didn't go away. I'm jumpy, I scanned every area of the school that reach my eyes as if I was in the middle of a mission. Maybe I'm becoming paranoiac…

Oh what should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out and maybe

End of school, finally. I thought it would never end. Normally I love school, but today is different…All I want is to be somewhere where I feel safe…

I just hate to be all alone
Outside the door and follow me home

Not the flower shop, not my apartment, not my bedroom …

Now goodnight moon I want the sun

In fact, I just want to be with Yohji…

If it's not here soon I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

Finally I'm home now. I know the strange feeling won't go away but at least, here I'm not alone…unless…
I don't know why I feel that way about Yohji. He's bi, ok, but I know he'll never see me as something more than a friend. But I still hope…it's stupid but I can't stop, even if I know that I have no chance at all.
When I enter the shop, I don't even look up, I just whisper a greeting and I go straight to my apartment above the shop. I won't be able to stay here with him. There's Aya-kun and Ken-kun too, but even then, he'll be there, flirting with the girls, teasing Ken-kun...As much as I hate it, I prefer to be on my own, or else, they will know something and they'll worry about me, and it's something I don't want. Yohji worried about me cause I have feelings I shouldn't have towards him, without him knowing it…Too weird, thank you very much.

I'm in my room now. I'm on my bed, and I fix that door. Or that's what it looks like. In fact I fix nothing. I just stay here, without moving. I know I should do something: I have my homework, and I should cook something to eat, but I don't. I just stay there on my bed, and I don't want to move for the rest of my life.

I don't know how long I stood here, thinking about nothing, when I heard someone coming in. I didn't lock the door when I get back, so…
The said-someone is now knocking at my bedroom's door. It takes me some time to respond, but finally…

"- Come in…

No one's coming in…maybe he (whoever "he" is) had not heard me…
The doorknob move. Finally he…oh no, not him. I close my eyes and re-open them slowly. No. He's still there. Of the three of them he had to be the one who comes.

"- Omi…

He talks so softly. I have to fully focus on him, or I wouldn't understand what he says.

"- Omi what's wrong…

A statement, not a question. Well observed. Isn't ex-PI who wants to. Seeing the state I'm in, useless to lie.

"- Thanks Yohji-kun, but you can't help me.

I'm scaring myself. I talk so calmly, it must have been Aya-kun who talked.

"- If I don't know what's wrong, of course I can't help you…

He too talks calmly and softly. As if he was afraid to loose all his chances to make me talk if he spoke a little louder.

"- Even if you knew, you couldn't help me.
"- I'm sure of the contrary…please Omi…

Well you're up so high how can you save me

He's almost begging. Funny.

"- You can't change people that easily. But thanks anyway. Tell the other they can't help either. Oyasumi, Yohji-kun.

When the dark comes here tonight to take me up

That's the best way. Show him that I want to be alone, but not being rude. That way he won't be able to press the matter…

"- Don't think I'll leave so easily Omi…" At least I've tried. "Please, tell me Omi…

The mouth from woke and into bed

Strange. He seems really worried and terribly serious. And it's hard to keep it when he looks at me with so much concern.
I don't speak for a moment. He crossed the room and sits right next to me on the bed. I sit up. He doesn't look at me. He just fix the door, as I do.
I can't decide what to do now. He said it, he won't leave like that. Now I have to say something, and before I can stop my stupid mouth…

"- I'm in love with you…" I feel him stiffen a little beside me. "…but it's not important.

Where it kisses my face and eats my hand

I surprised myself. I said it as if I was talking about the weather.

"- Omi, I…I…

Speechless. I can easily understand why.

"- Don't worry Yohji I…

This time I am speechless cause I'm in the embrace of….

Oh what should I do I'm just a little baby

It can't be true. It can't be so easy. He can't love me, or feel more than friendship towards me. That's it. It's just a friendly embrace to tell me after that he is sorry, that he doesn't feel the same…but once again, I can't help it, I want it to be true…

What if the lights go out and maybe

I return the embrace. It feels so good to be there. Now I know why his dates always try to be as near to him than his skin or his clothes are. It feels so good to be in his arms. I rest my head on his chest and I close my eyes. I want to appreciate it as much as I can, cause I know it won't last.

And then the wind just starts to moan
Outside the door and follow me home

I shiver. The door's still open and even if we're in summer, I'm cold…so close and yet…I know I can't have him…and press myself a little more against him, and I refuse to open my eyes…just a little more…

Now goodnight moon I want the sun

…just a little more…

***************

I don't know when I fell asleep. I suppress a yawn and…
Wait… when since someone sleeps with his (or her for that matter) arms around my waist??? And, first of all, when did I start to just sleep with someone????

If it's not here soon I might be done

I look up, to see what the intruder looks like…and almost have a heart attack. How could I forget what had happened last night?? I didn't but I thought that he would have go in his apartment after I fall asleep…at least that was what I thought until now.
Yohji's in my bed. Yohji has his arms around my waist, as I have him as a pillow. Yohji's looking at me…no Yohji's smiling at me. And not a smirk, but a real smile, full of…I jump off the bed a little too fast. I'm ready to fall on the floor but...strong arms held me and I stay upright. I look at him. It's not real. It can't possibly be. One of these stupid dreams again, I'm sure.

"- Yohji…I…

But I'm not allowed to continue whatever I was about to say. Soft lips are on mine, barely touching, just a soft but wonderful caress. And then, a whisper…

"- 'morning koi….

And that smile again.

No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon
No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon.

~* Fin *~

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